One or The Other

one by one
I pluck the petals
to try to make a decision for me
to make up my mind
without having to choose
but with everyone one I take,
another grows in its place
and I’m going around in circles
trying to create an answer
out of thin air
my fingers are red and raw
but I can’t seem to stop
I can’t make this decision on my own –
or at least I don’t want to

the gears in me turn
just as my stomach
because this never ending game
I’m desperately trying to win
is impossible
but I only spin myself more
and more frantic
until my skin blisters
and I’m biting my lips to keep
my mind of my hands and
this dreadful wheel
that won’t stop spinning

through all my refusal,
I know this sinking feeling won’t
leave, just as I won’t choose
because what’s best for me
never feels right,
but both feel wrong,
so very, very wrong
and either way the arrow points,
I’ll end up at the destination dizzy
with my heart in my mouth
and my stomach on the floor

but I drop the infinite flower,
I write it down,
and close my eyes
before sticking my finger out there
on either


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