I’ve wondered how a bullet might taste
How the hot metal might feel
And I’ve thought about
What my last thought would be

I’ve pictured my chest
Without any movement,
Without a heartbeat
And how blue it might turn

I’ve pressed my head into a pillow
To keep me from breathing
And it worked.
And it scared me.

I’ve closed my eyes when taking pills
And pictured more than one
How many would it take
And how long?

I’ve held a pen in my hand,
Thought about the letter I would leave,
Who I would blame,
Who I wouldn’t

I put down the pen,
I don’t buy a gun,
I leave the pillow on the bed,
And I keep the prescriptions away

As weak as I feel at times,
The letter never gets written
My heartbeat never stops,
And I pick up the phone and call home


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