My Toxic Lover

He’s wrapped me in his arms and given me his heart to hold onto. My fingers burn from the cold but somehow it feels like home, and a bittersweet love.

He puts his lips to my ear, and tells me he is the only home I will ever belong in. It sounds so true I almost believe him.

The blankets feel cold and when my eyes shut so tightly I can feel his arms encircle and I lose my breath. My heart shutters and I feel his lips on my neck and the tears start to tickle my eyes.

Please, just sleep.

But it’s a hopeless prayer because he refuses to let me drift off again. I don’t acknowledge him when I’m sleeping and he doesn’t like that. It’s the only alone time I get, though, so I sleep for as long as possible, even when I’m half-awake. He doesn’t need to know.

Fingers wrap around my throat when I walk through the door and the blue anger burns in his eyes. I tried to forget about him, he knows. My head hits the wall and my head swirls. This is what I get for being with anyone else, I know. It’s my fault, but it’s really his. Sometimes those lines blur and I know, I know I deserve this.

He is the lover that won’t leave me, the one who is always there. The most dependable, the most open and honest. And he loves me so, so much.

So much it hurts.


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