I’ve been thinking about relationships lately. My mother told me not to hurt my previous partner because he was really sweet, and he did nice things for me. She didn’t take into account that I might not really like him, or that maybe I wasn’t really happy. No, just, don’t hurt him because he’s sweet. Don’t hurt him because I think he seems like a nice guy.
Well I pushed through that relationship even though I was unhappy, and he ended things because he decided we wanted different things. And we did. But I noticed first and maybe it would have been smart to end things earlier. But, I didn’t want to hurt him. Because he was sweet.
Someone likened personal completeness with the ending (main) bit being your partner, that one person that just fits so perfectly. Though because we see being with someone as being complete, we’re afraid to be alone and we feel incomplete and empty without someone. And we change ourselves so they love us so they don’t leave us and we’re not left that way.
I’ve never been in a long term relationship and for a while I felt weird about it. Sometimes I still do. But the reason I’ve never been in a long term relationship is because I don’t want to waste my time, or theirs, being with the wrong person. Just because something is “nice” or “comfortable” doesn’t mean it’s right.
I haven’t been in a long term relationship because I value myself more than being “okay” with someone just to defeat being alone. Because there’s nothing wrong with being alone. My minimum requirement is you have to meet me at my “I love myself” meter, and then go above and beyond to make me feel special. And let me tell you, and want nothing more than to have someone to do that same with.
“Don’t hurt him,” my mother told me over the phone when I told her about the sweet thing my partner did. And so I stuck around, knowing it didn’t feel right. I stuck through a relationship with someone I wasn’t really comfortable with because… There was nothing wrong with him. Because there has to be something wrong to end things. But that isn’t true.
You don’t need something to be wrong to change something.
“Not what I’m looking for” is a valid reason for change.
“This isn’t what I want” is a valid reason for change.
“I want something different” is a valid reason for change.
“I don’t want to hurt them” is not a valid enough reason to stay.
I shouldn’t have stayed.